Scripture has much to say about holiness.
God is holy. “Holy, holy, holy is the Lord Almighty; the whole earth is full of his glory.” (Isaiah 6:3; see also Revelation 4:8).
And we are commanded to be holy. “As obedient children, do not conform to the evil desires you had when you lived in ignorance. But just as he who called you is holy, so be holy in all you do; for it is written: “Be holy, because I am holy.” (1 Peter 1:14-16).
This is a daunting task, for sure. But it is our calling. The God who justified us by his grace is also able to sanctify us (make us holy) by that same grace, for he “is able to keep you from stumbling” (Jude 24).
According to Jesus, the pursuit of righteousness is to be a top priority for every believer: “seek first his kingdom and his righteousness” (Matthew 6:33).
Paul puts it quite succinctly: “this is the will of God, your sanctification” (1 Thessalonians 4:3). (The word sanctification” can also be rendered “holiness.”)
Personal holiness (an increasing measure of Christ-likeness) is critical to our assurance of salvation, for our sanctification is one of the evidences of genuine saving faith. “Make every effort to live in peace with everyone and to be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord” (Hebrews 12:14).
Where do we begin in this pursuit of Christ-likeness? You don’t have to go far. Start at home. If you are married, loving your wife or husband is a wonderful expression of the pursuit of holiness. To love is to be like God, for “God is love” (1 John 4:8). Husbands are commanded to “love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her” (Ephesians 5:25). Wives are instructed to both submit to their husbands (Ephesians 5:22) and to love them (Titus 2:4).
What does loving our spouses look like, practically speaking?
I highly recommend The Exemplary Husband: A Biblical Perspective, by Stuart Scott. He provides a list of practical ways that husbands can love their wives:
By being with her and involving her:
Plan time to spend with her alone.
Develop common interests with her.
Let her know how she can help you and/or work along side you.
Call her from work.
Tell her about what you do.
By seeking to understand her and help her:
Ask what she did today and then listen.
Inquire as to her well-being and then pay attention.
Plan a regular time to talk about her concerns and then pray about them together.
Pray with her about other family matters.
Assist her when she needs it.
By appreciating her:
Thank God for her.
Think and verbalize specific qualities or deeds that you are thankful for.
Speak well of her to others.
Leave her a note of appreciation.
By treating her special compared to others:
Open doors for her.
Plan dates.
Put her needs and desires above others.
Show her non-sexual affection.
By revealing yourself to her:
Communicate your thoughts, perspectives, and goals to her.
Let her know how she can pray for you.
Men, I trust you find the above list helpful. When we love our wives this way, we are pursuing holiness for the glory of God.
Focus Publishing has a complementary book entitled The Excellent Wife: A Biblical Perspective, by Martha Peace. Here’s a list of practical ways that a wife can love her husband:
Ask your husband, “What are your goals for the week?”
Ask your husband, “How can I help you to accomplish these goals?”
Think of specific ways you can help him accomplish his goals.
Save some of your energy every day for him.
Put him first over the other people in your life.
Talk about him in a positive light to others.
Do not slander him at all.
Be warm and gracious to his family and friends.
Make your commitment to him obvious to others.
Do and say things that build him up instead of tearing him down.
Certainly, both lists contain loving acts that both husbands and wives can apply.
Of course, loving your spouse involves more than checking off items on a things-to-do list. Much more. But I still find these lists beneficial. I suggest reading them regularly to “spur [yourself] on toward love and good deeds” (Hebrews 10:24).
Take these ideas to heart. If there’s something you see on either list that you haven’t done lately (or maybe have never done), pray about it and ask God to enable you to do it as a genuine expression of love.
Be holy by loving your spouse. This is God’s will for you!
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